Husbands and Weddings
If you’re reading this, I apologise. You’ve no doubt been Googling for days about how to get your husband or other half interested in your wedding planning. Sure, they popped the question, but have they been a little MIA since you both started discussing the actual wedding day?
Know that you are most certainly NOT ALONE here. Majority of husbands-to-be in New Zealand will feign ignorance of any kind to not have to be included. Men have been told most of their lives that it’s not their day, so of course, what do they do?
Let you decide EVERYTHING for your wedding.
Not very helpful, is it?
But know this, there are very simple and easy ways to help get your other half on board and interested!
This article will be mostly geared towards supporting male interest in wedding planning, but this can go any way! Perhaps you have a partner who isn’t male identifying and doesn’t seem wholly invested in their wedding day.
Please remember throughout the process that they DO want to marry you! Sometimes men are just really bad at communication, possibly feel like their opinions might not matter or would rather you have the day of your dreams. If you ever feel like they don’t want to marry you because of their lack of involvement, talk to them about it! Lay all your cards on the table.
How to get your other half involved with their wedding planning.
Planning is no doubt going to end up in the hands of the person most invested, or most organised out of the married couple to be. In hetero couples, this tends to be the bride.
You (as the organised and stressed member of to-be-married couple reading this article) might feel overwhelmed with the responsibility of this venture. A wedding is a massive thing to plan. When you feel like pleasing everyone from your mother to your grandfather’s aunt, it can really feel like the world is overturning.
The BEST thing you can do is delegate tasks.
Which is a lot easier said than done!
The first way you do this is by incorporating your other half’s interests.
Groom’s car used as backdrop for group photos
Incorporating Your Significant Other’s Interests
There’s a lot of ways you can actually do this, if you’re ready for compromise. Before you have any detailed conversations with your husband or partner, I would highly suggest opening up with a much broader question for your partner…
“What do you want to have at our wedding?”
If they respond with a very vague “I don’t know” or “I’m happy with whatever you want to do”, the continuation or next conversation can be regarding their interests or hobbies.
Make a mental list of things they like to do, or just like in general. Examples include
Do they like cars?
Ask which cars they might like to use or see at their wedding
Do they passionate about their garden?
Ask if they have a colour scheme or any flowers they could see at the wedding
Are they a social drinker?
Perhaps ask them if they’d like to be in charge of drinks
Is food important to them usually?
Ask them if about their favourite foods and perhaps google together different caterers based on your list - or if they are a genius and self-catering is your guys’ thing, put them in charge of the feast! Either way they can be the point of call or contact about food.
Is the dog their best friend?
Put them in charge of a way to incorporate them into the wedding or getting ready
Are they fashion conscious?
No brainer… suits and groomsmen’s attire!
Are they detail conscious?
Ask them about colour schemes, perhaps suggest that they could look at table arrangements or seating plans
Are they handy (DIYers)?
They could build an arch or something else you could see at the wedding 😉
Are they an IT or design nut?
Put them in charge of invitations or wedding website
Do they love music?
They can help work on the playlist
Moving in the heating option for this farm wedding
Let Them Know The Non-Negotiables
The non-negotiables are the things you will definitely need help with and they need to be present for these.
Budget
Celebrant
Venue
Photographer
Cake
Even if they aren’t so fussy about this, these are the things that will require them to be involved WITH you. They’ll need to go to meetings with you and make sure the fit is good for both of you.
Instead of going through Google and getting overwhelmed at the choices, make a list with your partner of 5 things you want your wedding to be, and how you want to remember it.
Set a budget range.
Set a specific date or a wedding date month.
If you both love the idea of a vineyard or venue with a view, research venues in the location you want to get married that suits this.
Once you have a venue locked in, you can start looking at a celebrant and photographer. Whom of which can be chosen around the 5 words you both chose for your wedding.
Having those 5 keywords will help greatly reduce the confusion, overwhelm and amount of time you spent trying to find something they might be interested in!
Those keywords will help narrow down the style of photographer, and you’ll be able to ask for better recommendations of photographer and celebrant.
CHOOSING THE WEDDING RING
The final non-negotiable that they will need to do.
And possibly one of the easiest.
There’s quite a few sites now that do trade-friendly rings, and really quite special materials like wood, bone and antler.
One of my most favourite sites (which also does feminine rings) is called Manly Bands. They do a really wide range of materials and the rings are extremely affordable. You can almost find everything on there… From Lord of the Rings inspired rings, DC inspired rings to rings featuring wood from Jack Daniels barrels… there will be a ring suitable for everyone.
If your man is struggling to find a ring which goes well with most trades, a couple of suggestions include
Tattoo rings
Silicone - perfect all rounder
Tungsten carbide
Jack Daniel’s wedding ring from Manly Bands
Tungsten carbide and titanium are safe for electricians to wear due to low electrical conductivity. Tungsten also shatters under pressure so is ideal for construction as it won’t trap the finger when it is compressed and bent like other rings.
To check out some pretty awesome styles of silicone, tungsten and titanium from Manly Bands, click here.
Ultimately, the worst thing you can do when they aren’t showing interest is to sit them down and force them to take part. When forced like that, they will literally just agree with everything you say, or say what they think you want to hear. I’ve heard of some women sitting their partners down every night after work for wedding planning and that amount of control kinda scares the crap out of me!
The best thing you can do is delegate tasks which they will be interested in, support their involvement and try to make it fun for them (even if it might not be!) and work together to make the decisions.
If they DO want to marry you, they DO want to spend their life with you. Majority of men just honestly do not worry about the wedding day itself.
They just want to spend their lives with their loved one.
A wedding is not the marriage, it’s only the celebration of a new chapter.